Forever Shattered
by rmhale
Summary: As Jasper prepares to watch the love of his life marry someone else, he prays for the strength to be the dutiful best friend as his heart shatters repeatedly. My entry into the SLASH/BACKSLASH contest. CONTAINS MALE SLASH? DON'T LIKE IT...DON'T READ IT!
1. Chapter 1

_**SLASH BACKSLASH ONE-SHOT CONTEST**_

**Story Name: Forever Shattered  
Pen name: RMHALE  
Pairing: Jasper/Edward  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the drool covered pictures of Robert Pattinson from the new Vanity Fair  
To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: ****http ://www. fanfiction. net/c2/74941/3/0/1/**

**A/N: Happy New Moon week everybody….here is something to tide you over until 11/20!!**

JPOV

As I sat there swirling the whiskey in my glass, I wondered how many times a heart could break before a person could no longer survive. I felt like I was finally at that point, knowing that in one hours time, the man that I loved with all my heart and soul would be joined in marriage to another.

He was truly the other half of me and was absolutely clueless as to how I felt. My eyes were bloodshot and my throat raw from crying. I got absolutely no sleep last night as I screamed his name into my pillow over and over again, as the tears ran freely down my cheeks. I know I looked like shit and I was still trying to garner enough courage to get to the church and be the best friend I was supposed to be. I have never been so thankful that Edward and Bella chose to have their siblings stand by their sides as they said their vows. I don't know if I was strong enough to actually stand up there by his side while he married her and keep the devastation off my face as every word spoken joined them together in a way that he and I could never be.

I still remembered the day those piercing emerald eyes and crazy copper hair invaded my life. He was a force to be reckoned with and we were the best of friends from day one.

_I walked to my first day of school after having just moved here from Texas. I was a scared little eight year old, not knowing anyone in this tiny town of Forks. My mama had packed my lunch, put my backpack on me and sent me out the door. I was heading towards the school when I heard some voices behind me._

"_Hey you, new kid, do you hear me? Why don't you answer, huh? Are you deaf, dumb or a just a dweeb?" a boy asked me as the others with him laughed along._

_Great, I was already going to get picked on, third grade was going to suck. I picked up the pace and hurried along._

_The boys caught up with me and shoved me from behind. One pulled off my backpack while the other pulled off my shoes._

"_Mike! Tyler! What are you doing?" asked an unfamiliar, yet forceful, voice._

_I hastened a peek at the voice from behind the hands covering my eyes and was met with the image of a boy my age with his hands on his hips, stomping his feet to get to me. He had some crazy reddish brown hair and big green eyes. I had just memorized all the colors in my crayon box and I would definitely call those eyes pine green, as dark as they were in anger at the moment._

_He leaned down to help me up as the other boys backed off. They were definitely scared of the skinny kid, maybe he was someone important. He helped me sit and handed me my shoes and a napkin to wipe the tears I didn't realize were leaking from my eyes._

"_I'm Edward Cullen and you are my new best friend." he said to me. I stared at him in confusion. _

"_Why would you want to be my best friend?" I asked him. _

"_Well, someone's gotta protect you and that someone is me."_

_He gave me a quizzical look and said, "Listen up new boy, being friends with me is the best thing that could happen to you. Everyone wants to be my friend." I looked up at him with a look of shock. Was he really that cocky? Did I want to be friends with someone with an attitude like that?_

_He looked down at me like he was expecting a quick answer. I looked up at him and decided that I had nothing to lose so I introduced myself._

"_My name is Jasper. I'm eight and in the third grade. I just moved here from Texas and…" He put his hands up and interrupted me with a, "Whoa…slow down there Jasper. What the heck kind of name is that anyways?"_

"_I don't know, what kind of name is Edward?" I asked him right back. He looked at me with his head cocked to the side and burst out into laughter._

"_Jasper, we are going to be great friends, of that I am sure. For starters, you have to learn to stand up for yourself because I won't be around you all the time. If you are hanging out with me and my brother, Emmett, no one should mess with you anyways. I am in third grade too, but Emmett is in fourth so you will have me in class with you and we can eat lunch together!" He was talking with such excitement that it was contagious. I suddenly had a spring in my step, glad that I had a friend now._

"_No worries Jasper, stick with me and you will do just fine." And in that instant, I knew I would be. _

Little did I know that meeting Edward that day would be the greatest day of my life, for it brought me the best friend anyone could ever ask for. We were inseparable after that day. Where there was one you could always find the other. If you saw my curly blonde head, his red cowlicks were not far behind. He was my opposite in every way. Where he was fair, I was sun kissed. Where his eyes were green, like a Costa Rican rainforest; mine were grey, like a hurricane churning in the ocean. Where he was outgoing, friendly and brilliant, I was shy, reserved and had to work for my A's.

We excelled in school and spent our summers exploring every inch of property that ran behind our houses. When we turned 11, our dads built a fort in the woods for us and we used it as our secret hideout. We stored all of our important things like G. I. Joes and Transformers in there. As we got older, those were traded out for posters of hot girls and Playboys we stole from my dad.

The summer that we turned 16, right before our junior year is when everything started to change. I was slowly starting to discover that, unlike every other teenaged male, I could not jack off to a stupid magazine full of naked girls. Porn videos did not make me hot and bothered and I was not interested in kissing girls. Emmett was obsessed with girls and would come to the fort and brag to me and Edward about all the chicks who wanted to partake in his kissing expertise. Edward would sit there looking at his brother in awe and I would look at Emmett with indifference.

It was that summer when I realized what, actually who, turned me on. The road to this discovery made me question who I thought I was a person and a man. The feelings of fear and apprehension were out in full force when I finally knew that Edward was the one I wanted. After that day in the lake he became the star of my shower fantasies and nighttime dreams.

_Edward and I had been exploring the woods, climbing trees and cleaning the fort. We were hot, tired and sweaty. We decided it was the perfect time to go take a dip in the creek._

_He ran out ahead of me, throwing his clothes off left and right. He stripped down to his boxers, looked back at me and jumped in. All I saw was the perfect rippling of muscles flexing in his back as he jumped in. When he curled his legs up to do a cannonball, my eyes focused on the way his ass looked as it hit the water. For a moment all I could think about was touching that sweet, glistening skin and my hands ached to feel him._

"_What the hell is wrong with me?" I muttered to myself as I shook my head to clear it. I stripped down to my boxers as well and jumped in after him._

_We swam and talked about what next year would hold for us. It was time to start thinking about college applications, SAT's and scholarships. We were having a great time and I was heading for the dock when I felt myself being pulled under. The shock of it caused me to grab onto Edward under the water and climb up his body. Once we broke the surface of the water I realized I was wrapped around him. The feeling plunged me into a lust-induced haze and I couldn't stop myself from memorizing the feel of his wet skin as my hands slid down his sides. I buried my face in his neck and took a deep breath so I could take in his scent. He smelled like sweat, sun, pine and man. I should have let go, I should have stopped what I was doing, but I just couldn't. I had been waiting for this feeling for so long._

_My face was buried in his neck and I inhaled the underside of his throat. I heard his breath hitch, and I stopped. Fear replaced the lust pumping through my veins. What the hell was I doing? This was Edward! I let go quickly and dropped back into the water. _

'_Oh Shit,' I thought. He is going to hate me. What the fuck was wrong with me anyways. The feelings of repulsion coursed through me and I wondered what he was going to think. I didn't understand why my body was reacted the way it did to his. My dick was throbbing from being so hard and I only prayed that he didn't feel that too._

_I swam around for a bit, willing my hard on to go away so I could get out of the water and figure my shit out. I swam to the other side and heard Edward calling my name. I looked over at him and he was standing on the docks, looking at me. He looked so gorgeous in the sun with the beads of water running down his lithe body. I silently plead for him to put his damn clothes on, but he just stood there, waiting for me. I swam over to him and as I got closer I saw one of the beads of water roll down his chest, over his abdomen and stop just above his boxers. I wanted to lick it away and feel his warm skin against my tongue. That is when I knew that I was fucked!_

Things changed for me after that summer. When we got out of that water, we acted like nothing ever happened, but our friendship was never the same for me after that. Every day that passed from that day forward, I fell a little more in love with Edward. There were times I wondered if he felt it too, there were subtle touches when none were called for and fingers that would linger for longer than necessary. When we worked on our homework together, there was always some part of our bodies touching when we laid on the floor or the bed.

All the touches were absolute torture for me, knowing that I wanted so much more than to be his friend. There were times I could feel his eyes on me and I wanted to look up and meet them so badly, but I just couldn't. I was afraid if I looked back, he would see the unrequited love and passion shining in my eyes that was only present for him.

By the time we were entering our senior year, I had resigned myself to the fact that he would never feel for me the way I did for him. We had spent the summer once again in the woods and the lake, knowing that this was probably going to be the last summer we got to be wild and free before real life issues like college and jobs overtook our lives.

Our senior year at Forks High was the same as all the others, aside from the fact that it was the last one. Edward had been accepted to Dartmouth and I had been accepted to the University of Texas at Austin and we were both going with full academic scholarships. I had applied to Dartmouth as well and was accepted, but I knew if I was ever going to break the hold he had on me, I had to get away from him. School got out for winter break and we decided to skip the senior ski trip to hang out and spend time together instead.

The holidays were lots of fun. We hit our favorite hangouts, drank coffee in the fort every night and made a few trips to Seattle for books and music. The Cullen New Year's Eve party was coming up. We knew we were going to have to wear tuxes, hang out with boring people and hate every minute of it until we could bust out the fireworks later.

_The night had been dragging and I spent the entire time inconspicuously watching Edward. He looked amazing in his tux, like he did every year, but he looked more like a man tonight than he ever had. He tried so hard to tame those bronze locks, but the careful gel hold had given out within an hour of the party and he looked untamed and sexy as fuck. I had a difficult time containing my raging erection the entire evening and was thankful it was dark in the house. I watched as he went from person to person, making small talk and a few times he glanced at me and rolled his eyes. I chuckled softly, knowing he was being subjected to all kinds of mind-numbing conversations. He was so good at being the dutiful son of a prominent surgeon, making sure to say hi to everyone. _

_I was on my third glass of champagne by the time midnight was almost here and Edward was right there with me. Esme Cullen had a rule, you may drink at the party, but you had to stay the night. I glanced over at the clock and saw that there was still about half an hour until midnight and I needed some fresh air to clear my head._

_I stood on the balcony and breathed in the night air. All I could picture in my head was the way Edward looked tonight in his tuxedo. He looked like a picture perfect model from the cover of a magazine. He was stylish, handsome and really fucking hot. I slowly walked down the steps of the patio and out into the trees as I imagined all the things I would do to him if he were mine. As I walked along, the feeling of despair overtook my heart once again as I realized that those dreams would always be mine and mine alone. _

_I walked until I made it to the fort and then I went inside and sat down. The alcohol must have made me melancholy tonight because I couldn't stop the tears from forming and slowly falling down my cheeks. I cried and silently cursed the love I felt that he would never return. I wanted so bad to tell him how I felt, but knew it would do nothing but destroy a friendship, so I cried for what could never be. I wanted him so bad that I swore I could feel his presence and smell him there with me and the tears flowed faster._

_While I was sitting there, I felt a subtle touch on my shoulder. Startled, I jerked and looked up at the emerald eyes that were the cause of my pain. I slowly stood up, never breaking eye contact with him, and faced him._

"_What's wrong Jasper? Why are you so upset?" his silky voice asked me._

_I couldn't bring myself to say anything, so I slowly shook my head back and forth. He reached out and gathered me to his chest and the dam broke loose. He held me as the sobs racked my body and I wrapped my arms around his waist to hold him there. He kept whispering soothing words to me and I felt his warm breath stirring in my hair, causing goose bumps to erupt on my entire body._

_I slowly began to calm down, feeling a serene peace at being held in his arms. It felt like home. I felt his hand under my chin and he slowly lifted my face to meet his. My stormy slate eyes met with his brilliant jade ones and I saw the questions burning behind them. He reached up to brush the blond curls out of my face and I just couldn't help myself any longer, so I turned my head towards his hand and placed a light kiss in his palm. I felt a shudder go through his body. I looked up at his face with trepidation laced with desire and his eyes were now darker and filled with something else I couldn't define._

_Our ragged breaths were the only sounds in the room as our eyes stayed locked on one another. I looked down at his red, velvety lips and watched them part as his tongue slipped out to wet the lower one. That was all it took to snap my resolve and I crashed my lips against his, grabbing his hair to hold him there and poured all the love and lust I felt into that kiss. If it was the only one, I was going to make it count._

_He stood frozen for a few seconds before I felt his lips begin to move with mine. I placed kiss after kiss on his lips and I slowly sipped from his mouth. I slid my tongue along his full, bottom lip and waited for him to open up to me. When his lips parted, I took the opportunity to truly dominate his mouth with my own. I tasted the alcohol on his tongue and the sweet essence that was purely Edward's. _

_He was now holding me as tight as I was holding him and I shifted so that our hips met. We both moaned out in pleasure at the electrical zing of our cocks coming together through our pants. I lifted my mouth from his and place my open mouth on his neck, licking the salty skin that was there. I trailed my tongue along his jaw and kissed my way to the collar of his shirt. I wanted more and I wanted it now!_

_I pushed him towards the couch, and when the back of his legs hit, he sat down and I straddled him, never breaking our mouths apart. He pushed my tux jacket off my shoulders and I pulled my mouth from his to get his off too. I looked at him as I sat back on his knees, knowing that I needed him to tell me this was ok. He looked at me first with confusion and then with determination as he pulled my head down to his and thrust his tongue into my mouth._

_We sat there for a long time kissing over and over again and our bodies slowly began to tell us that it wasn't enough. Our cocks were grinding against each other in time with our mouths and I needed to feel his skin against my own. I slowly stood up and he looked up at me with questioning eyes. I looked down at him, not wanting to say anything to break the spell we were under, and slowly began to unbutton my shirt. When he saw what I was doing, he shook his head and jumped up to stop me; I felt my heart plummet down to the floor. Then, I felt his hands replace my own as he slowly began to undo my buttons and my heart soared once again. When he got all the buttons undone, he pulled the shirt off of me and pulled my undershirt over my head. He stood there and looked at me for a few moments, drinking me in and then I felt his hands on my chest. He lightly trailed his soft fingers across my chest, lightly grazed my nipples and then followed the planes of my torso down to my abdomen. I groaned out loud as I felt him lightly drag his nails through the line of hair under my navel and then I felt his hands begin to undo my pants. _

_I felt the pants drop and I quickly got out of my socks and shoes, then I stood before him in my boxers. His eyes drifted down my body and then stopped and stared at my erection which was tented against my underwear. I saw him lick his lips and then he reached out a hand to touch me there. As I saw his fingers getting closer to me, my dick twitched and I nearly came right then. That would be no good, I needed him as unclothed as I was, so I stopped his hand and reached out to remove his clothing too._

_He allowed me the same pleasure of removing his shirt and I kissed each button before I put it through the hole. After I removed both shirts, I leaned forward and tasted every inch of skin that was exposed by my hands. The hisses and moans that passed through his body were a testament to the fact that he felt it too. I sat him on the couch and lovingly removed each shoe and sock from his perfect feet. I leaned forward and kissed his navel while I undid his pants. He lifted up his hips so I could pull them down his legs and I worshipped them with my mouth as I dragged the pants down._

_I was on my knees before him and I just couldn't stop myself from placing a soft kiss on his dick that was prominent and hard under his boxers. He groaned and bucked his hips up into my face. I brought my eyes up to meet his through my lashes and they were smoldering with lust. It was beyond my wildest fantasy that he would burn for me at this moment too. I raised my eyebrows in a silent question and I watched his Adam's apple bob as he gulped and then, he nodded his head._

_I dragged my mouth across his taut abdomen, leaving a moist trail as I kissed and licked him from one hip to the other. I nuzzled my nose into his navel and slipped my hands into the waistband of his boxers. I felt a moment of apprehension at the unchartered territory I was about to enter. I had never sucked a dick before and it had never been done to me, but I was dying to taste Edward's. I pulled the boxers off and gasped in awe at the sheer magnitude and definition of his cock. It was prominently nestled in a thatch of bronze curls and looked like it was carved from marble. It was beautiful and breathtaking._

_I leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on the head. I opened my mouth and took the voluptuous tip into my mouth and I heard him say the first words since our lips touched._

"_Jasper, oh God, please." he moaned in a husky voice, full of need._

_Taking that as my cue that I was making him feel good I gently cupped his balls in my hand and licked the underside of his dick from base to tip. I then took him in my mouth once again and moaned in pleasure at having this beautiful man between my lips. I lovingly licked and sucked him over and over again until I felt his balls tighten in my hand. He tried to pull my head away, but I made it this far and I was not quitting now._

"_Jasper…Fuuuccckkk!" He screamed loudly as the jets of cum erupted from his dick and shot down my throat in pulsing streams. I swallowed every last drop and placed one more kiss on the tip before looking back up at him._

_He grabbed me under the arms and hauled me up his body so that he could attack my lips with his own. He plunged his tongue in my mouth and tasted himself on me, which only made me that much harder. _

_He pulled his head back and kissed his way down my neck to my collar bone and then I felt his hands ghost over my erection. He looked me in the eyes and gave his palm a long, slow lick. Then he slipped his hand inside my boxers and wrapped it around my cock. His eyes never left mine as he slid his hand up and down my shaft, slowly twisting around the head on each upward stroke. He repeated the motion in a perfect rhythm and I felt my body slowly fall apart as my orgasm neared. He kept up his pace and I buried my face in his neck as I came all over his hand._

_We stayed there until our breaths slowed to a normal pace, his hand still wrapped around my softening cock. I could have stayed there forever, but now that it was over, the worry set in and I wondered what he was thinking. I slowly extracted myself from him and stood up. I pulled off my sticky underwear and cleaned up as best I could. I started to put my clothes back on when I looked over at Edward and saw the shattered expression on his face._

_I walked over to him, knelt in front of him and reached out to comfort him. He flinched and pulled back from my touch and I felt the white hot pain searing through my heart. I jumped back and looked away._

_We stood there forever. He silently cried and I stared out the window wondering what the fuck I was thinking when I kissed him. I heard him slowly start to dress himself and I couldn't bring myself to turn around and talk to him. I was afraid of telling him everything I had been feeling and I knew that now was not the time. I heard him walk towards the door and whisper, "I am so sorry Jasper, I can't do this, forgive me please." I heard the soft click of the door and knew he had left, I collapsed in a heap on the floor and let the sorrow consume me._

Things changed for us after that day. We never spoke about what happened. Every time I tried to talk to him alone, he figured a way out of it. We were never alone again, he started doing his homework in the library or we did it in the kitchen where anyone could walk in. We went through the motions of being friends, but the closeness and familiarity was now gone.

It took the better part of the next semester before we were truly comfortable with one another again and I deeply buried the love I felt every time I saw him. If having him in my life meant only being his friend, I knew that it was better than nothing, even if it did break my heart a little more each time.

As graduation came upon us, I was never so sure of my decision to go to school in Austin. I needed to be as far away from him as possible so my heart could try and mend all the holes he had put there. Graduation day came and went, with Edward graduating first and me graduating second in our class. We gave our respective speeches about the next steps in our lives and so on and so on. We threw our caps in the air and as mine flew from my hand, I knew I was ready for the next step in my life that wouldn't include seeing Edward on a daily basis.

We spent the summer having fun with our friends and getting ready to head to college. We never stepped foot in that fort again. As the end of summer approached, our families planned a big goodbye party for us. We were both packed up with small U-haul trailers on the back of our cars. We chose to go alone without parents, ready to start our college lives as grown men.

_The going away party was in full swing and I was preparing myself to say goodbye to him without making a fool out of myself. I was committing to memory the way he looked in his madras plaid shorts and navy polo shirt. His feet were incased in brown leather sandals and I tried to keep myself from staring at him. He was gorgeous. _

_I drank a little more than I should have, but I needed the alcohol to numb me from the scorching pain that telling him goodbye was going to cause me. I danced, I laughed, I hugged and said 'See you soon' to all my friends. As the night wound down and the time to go was near, I finally decided to seek him out and tell him goodbye since we would both be leaving late the next morning. I found him out on the patio and went and stood next to him. He looked over at me and exhaled loudly._

"_Well, I guess this is it Jazz. Time to go be responsible college kids and prepare ourselves or the real world. It's all such bullshit." he laughed._

_I stayed silent while he spoke and listened carefully to every word he said._

"_Thanks for being the best friend anyone could have ever had, Jasper. I never would have made it through it all without you." I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he ran his hands through his hair in agitated strokes._

"_Just because we are going to different schools doesn't mean that we won't be best friends anymore. I am going to miss you like hell, it will suck not to see you every day, you know?"_

"_Yeah, Edward, believe me I know. I will miss you too man, but it will be fine. We've been inseparable for ten years, we had to cut the cord sometime."_

_He burst out laughing at that and I knew now was the time to get the hugs over with. I turned toward him and held an arm out. He walked into me and grasped me tightly with both arms and I wrapped mine around him as well. I tried to memorize the smell of his hair and skin to take with me. We stood there or a full five minutes and then I felt him slowly shift and he placed his face in my neck. I froze as I felt him take a deep breath and place a tender kiss there. Then he pulled back suddenly, and placed a forceful kiss on my lips._

"_Goodbye, Jasper." he uttered in a strangled cry as he ran back into the house._

_I held my hand to my burning lips and slowly walked towards my house as the hot tears ran down my face._

College went off without a hitch. I loved all my classes and was happy to be back in the south. Edward and I communicated via email or Facebook at least twice a week. We phoned each other every Sunday, it was like old times. We saw each other at breaks when we both flew home and still had a great time together. It was like nothing had ever changed, aside from the fact that I was so in love him I ached every minute of every day, but I acted like everything was just peachy.

The winter break of our junior year is when my heart broke for good. That was when Edward told me about Bella.

_We were sitting at a coffee shop, shooting the shit about classes and professors. He was fidgeting in his seat like he had something to say, but I knew if I pushed him to talk, it would only take longer for him to tell me._

_He was looking down into his coffee when he told me._

"_I met someone, Jasper. Her name is Isabella Swan and we have been dating for the past few months. She is flying here to meet everyone in the family, you included."_

_Time stood still for me as I tried to process what he told me. I was trying to keep myself from hyperventilating as the hurt engulfed me._

"_She is the one, Jazz, and I am going to ask her to marry me when she comes. I know it has only been a few months, but when you know, you just know!"_

"_Why didn't you tell me Edward? Why keep it a secret. I talk to you every week and you never once mentioned a girlfriend." I didn't understand why he kept this from me, did he want to see me lose control? Could he possibly know how I felt about him? The thought terrified me._

"_I just felt like I needed to tell you in person for some reason. I owed it to you. If you were seeing someone, I would have hoped for the same courtesy from you."_

_I gathered up all the emotions raging in a storm, slipped on the "friends mask" and told him how happy I was or him. We clapped each other on the back as we left the coffee shop, but neither one of us had our hearts in it._

He asked her to marry him and of course she said yes. Everyone in Edward's family just loved her and they were so thrilled about the upcoming nuptials. I threw myself into my schoolwork and slowly faded from Edward's radar. Our weekly phone calls became monthly phone calls and since he split his time at the breaks between Bella's family and his own, I didn't see him as much.

We both graduated from college and we watched each other cross the stage. The wedding was fast approaching, since they decided to get married the summer after graduation. Edward called me and told me that they were each only going to have one attendant on the altar and that they each picked their siblings. I told him that was fine and I understood, but I was silently thanking God for not making me put up with the torture of standing next to him while he gave himself to her.

Emmett threw him the bachelor party of the century. All of our friends present and past were there. There was alcohol and strippers galore. There were stacks of ones handed to all the guys as they walked in the door. I watched in disgust as Edward received lap dance after lap dance from the disgusting whores masquerading as exotic dancers. As I watched him, I tried to wrap my head around the fact that in two days, I would lose him forever.

I went home that night and cried my self to sleep. I was woken up the next morning by knocking on my bedroom door. I groaned, got out of bed and opened the door. It was Edward. I thought his jaw was going to hit the floor as he took in my appearance. I stood there in my boxers, with my hair a mess and my body flushed from sleep.

_Edward stood there for a moment staring at me, and then he shook his head and looked into my eyes._

"_Jasper, can I please talk to you?"_

"_Yes, Edward, give me a minute to get dressed and I will be right down."_

_I slowly got dressed and walked down the stairs. He was in the living room of my parents' house, pulling his hair and pacing in circles. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and calm him down, but that wasn't in my job description, it was in Bella's._

"_Okay, Edward. What the hell was so important that you had to wake me up at 8am to talk about?"_

_He looked up at me with wild eyes and stopped pacing._

"_I'm getting married tomorrow." he whispered._

"_Yes, I know."_

"_I'm scared, Jasper. What if I am making a big mistake? What if I am trying to make everyone else happy instead of myself?" He was looking up at me with tears in his eyes and I didn't know what to say._

"_Do you love her Edward?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Then I don't understand what the fuss is about. You are just nervous because the wedding is tomorrow. Saying 'I do' for the rest of your life is a really big step, but if you love her, you are doing the right thing here." I felt my heart try to keep beating as the words that were killing me poured from my mouth._

_Edward walked up to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at me with blazing eyes, trying to get a reign on his emotions._

"_Jasper, is there any reason you can give me not to go through with the wedding tomorrow? Any at all?"_

_What the fuck was he asking me? Was it a trick question? Did he want me to get on my hands and knees and beg him to choose me? That shit wasn't going to happen, if he wanted me, which lets be honest was a long shot, he would have to be the one to tell me._

"_No, Edward, I can't think of any reason why you shouldn't marry Bella. She is a good girl and she will make you happy."_

_I didn't meet his eyes as he muttered his acceptance of my words and I watched his back as that beautiful boy walked out of the door and out of my life._

I was so fucking stupid. I was so pissed that he was getting married that I didn't speak up when I had the chance. I recognized the look on his face now for what it was. He was looking at me with the same emotions I had when I looked at him. I didn't know if his were love, but before he pledged his love to another in front of God and everybody, I had to know.

I threw some money down on the bar, grabbed my suit coat and ran out the door. I put on my helmet, jumped on my Ducati and sped off towards the church. I prayed I wasn't too late to tell Edward that I loved him and I could only hope he would tell me the same in return.

I pulled up in front of the church and was distraught to see people exiting the sanctuary. I was too late. My heart broke for the last fucking time in my life and this time I didn't know if I would survive. I knew right then and there that I couldn't live without him and I prayed for God to take me quickly. I sat there and cried for the love I lost as people walked past me.

"So sad….shouldn't have happened to a girl that nice…"

My ears perked up and I grabbed the hand of the man walking past.

"What is sad?" I asked.

"Wedding was called off by the groom at the last minute, th-"

I didn't let him finish as I took off running for the church. I flew up the stairs and strode threw the front doors. There I saw Edward's family huddled in the front, but I saw no sign of Edward. I snuck around them and walked to the back where the bride and groom rooms were. I rounded the corner and saw Edward and Bella, foreheads touching, words being whispered between the two.

I tried to back away, but I hit the wall and both sets of red, swollen eyes turned towards me. Bella gave me a weak smile and turned back towards Edward. She gave him a soft kiss and walked towards me. She stopped in front of me and reached out a hand to caress the purple marks under my eyes. She then took a hold of my hand and walked me over to Edward where she placed my hand in his, kissed us both on the cheek and walked off.

We stood there for countless seconds as time stood still. Then I heard him say in the faintest of whispers, "It was always you, Jasper."

I couldn't believe my ears, I just knew they were playing tricks on me. He saw the confusion on my face, so he tilted my chin up and looked me in the eye while he spoke loud and clear.

"I love you, I have always loved you. You are everything to me and I am so sorry I denied what I felt all those years ago. I only hope you can forgive me, although, I can't imagine being graced with any more forgiveness than I have already today."

The sobs broke free from my chest and racked my body as years of emotions erupted. He held me as we slid down the wall onto the floor. He let me cry for all the times I wished to hear him say those words to me and never did. I cried for the years we lost, the kisses we missed and the caresses I longed for.

As the sobs slowly subsided, I looked up into his eyes and saw the love reflecting back to my own. I gently placed my lips against his and they moved languidly back and forth over each other as kiss after kiss consumed us. His silky tongue swept my mouth over and over again and we poured all of our combined love for one another into that kiss.

"Edward, I have loved you since I was 16 years old and I will love you for the rest of my life. You are the only man who I have ever kissed and the only person I have ever touched. Your hands are the only hands I want on me for the rest of my life. You are who I long to come home every day and you are the only one I want to make love to every night."

As the last words escaped my mouth, he wrapped his arms around me and I realized that I was finally home for good.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: First and foremost the thanks for this one goes out to OnTheTurningAway...without her this would be in my recycle bin and unedited.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but a Hello Kitty Binder for my stories**

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Forever Shattered

EPOV

Staring at myself in the mirror, I had never been so terrified in my entire life. Dragging my fingers through my already unruly hair, I was trying to figure out when I let it get this far. The lies, the deceit...they were debilitating. Looking at my reflection from head to toe, I took in the tux, the cummerbund and the shoes. All of these things put together made up the image of a man that was supposed to be ready to celebrate the happiest day of his life. There was nothing happy in the face staring back at me.

_You are such a fucking coward, but you deserve this and so does she. She deserves forever and you promised to give it to her._

The knocking on the door shook me out of my reverie. "Come in," I called out.

"Hey little man, it is almost time to get this show on the road," Emmett boomed. He was so damn excited about this wedding, I was the polar opposite.

Laying my forehead on the mirror I rasped, "Is he here?" Just asking the question made my heart start pounding. I couldn't do it without him, I couldn't do this alone. No matter how many other people were there if he wasn't there, I wouldn't feel whole.

Emmett was glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, gaging my reaction. "No, Edward, no one has seen him."

The tears immediately clogged my throat and I took a shuddering breath. "He won't answer the phone," I muttered quietly. Turning to face my brother I whispered, "I can't go through with this if he isn't there Em. If this marriage was truly meant to happen and he believed it was the right thing to do, he would fucking be here."

Emmett reached his arm out to me, "Please find him Em." The tears that had crowded my voice had finally made their way north and my eyes were rimmed in red.

"Edward, are you sure you want to go through with this? I still don't think this is a good plan." He handed me a tissue, "Here, wipe your nose man, it's glistening."

Chuckling slightly at that, I tried to hold back the tears. All I needed was to meet Bella at the altar with a red, splotchy face. That would make her feel like shit and she deserved to be treated like a queen for marrying me.

"I have to do this, Em. She doesn't deserve to get stood up at her wedding. I just need you to go find Jasper." Pushing him towards the door, my eyes begged him to do this for me.

"I will try to call him, Edward, but I am not leaving to track him down. Think about what we talked about last night, you still have some time to do the right thing." He turned to leave and gave me a pointed look as he walked out the door.

"Fuck," I yelled out into the room. Didn't he see I was doing the right thing? Me walking down that aisle and saying I do was the best thing for Bella. She was the innocent victim in all of this. She had done nothing except offer her entire heart and soul to me on a platter and I couldn't throw it away on a whim. That was all I had, a whim. The fact that Jasper wasn't here only made my doubt stronger.

_If you getting married didn't really bother him, he would be here, right? He had to be feeling something?_

The questions was, what? When I went to see him the morning after my bachelor party, I had prayed for him to give me a reason not to get married. I flat out asked him and all he did was push me to Bella..._he doesn't want you, Edward. Not that way, not anymore. Maybe he never did._

At that thought, a soft cry tore through my chest. Needing to get it all out, I let myself have the breakdown that had been looming all day. The quiet whimpers made way for the loud, racking sobs that shook my entire body. I cried for him, for the man who had my heart and had no clue. Pulling the picture of us from that fated night in high school, I brought it to my lips and sighed. Closing my eyes and letting the tears run down, I reached into the back cavern of my mind and remembered the night that changed my life.

_It was the New Year's Eve of our senior year in high school and my parent's annual party was in full swing. The guests were annoying and the alcohol was flowing. Jasper always attended with me so I wouldn't be bored. My parents rented us both tuxes, let us drink, gave us free reign of the fireworks and then we had a sleepover. We had been doing it since we were freshmen and finally allowed to attend the festivities and tonight was no different._

_I had been making the rounds, going from one boring doctor and spouse to another. It was hell, but it was what was expected of me as the son of Carlisle Cullen. My father was a prominent surgeon in Forks and I had been groomed from birth to follow in his footsteps. I never questioned that path, in fact I think if it were up to me I would have chosen it myself._

_The midnight hour was getting close, which meant fireworks were going to be let off by me and Jasper in the woods very soon. The thought made me smile, finishing the champagne in my hands, I set the cup down and looked for him. Walking through the house, I checked all the rooms, he was nowhere to be found. My mom was in the kitchen, getting the party favors for the stroke of midnight._

_Walking up behind her, I hugged her and pecked her on the head. "Mom, have you seen Jasper?"_

_Looking back at me she nodded, "Yes, baby. He went out the back door not too long ago."_

_Grinning, I kissed her again and yelled, "Thanks," as I ran out the door. He must be getting a head start on the fun, I thought to myself. My short jaunt through the woods showed no sign of Jasper._

_'Where could he be?' I wondered._

_There was only one other place I could think of to look, so I jogged to the fort. As I got closer, I heard the unmistakable sounds of someone crying?_

_'What the fuck?'_

_Pushing the door open, I saw him. There was Jasper, sitting on the couch and crying into his arms which were folded around his legs. _

_'Oh, God...what happened?'_

_I gingerly made my way over to him so he wouldn't be startled, I gently touched his shoulder. He jerked away from me and looked up at my eyes. His face was wet and shiny with tears. It broke my fucking heart to see him like this. Slowly standing up, he never took his eyes off mine as he faced me._

_"What's wrong, Jasper? Why are you so upset?" I whispered into the cool air surrounding us._

_When he started to shake his head, I couldn't take it anymore, so I gathered him to me and held him while he cried. It seemed like forever, but for some reason I relished being the one who held him while he was upset. I always had to be touching him somehow when he was near, so it only made sense that I took care of him while he was upset. Never having thought about it before but feeling it at that moment, I guess we were just comfortable with one another. _

_He slowly started to calm down and his shoulders were hardly shaking anymore. 'God he fit so perfect here.' What a bizarre feeling it was to think that._

_When he finally pulled back, my eyes were questioning him as to what had caused the breakdown and he still said nothing. He had a lock of curls that were hanging down in his eyes and I reached up to move them out of the way. As I did that, his eyes closed and his head turned towards my hand. I felt him plant a soft kiss in the middle of my palm and this white hot fire seared through my body starting at my palm and ending at my cock which sprung to life immediately. _

_'What the fuck?'_

_He brought his hooded gaze up to mine and his grey eyes were swirling with so many emotions, and mine were doing the exact same. My breathing was harsh and I started panting to try and calm down. Never once did our gazes break until he looked down at my mouth. As I took a deep breath, my lips parted and my tongue came out to lick them. He watched the entire thing while his breathing became more labored. When he saw me lick my lip, it was like he snapped. He reached out, grabbed my hair and slammed his mouth to mine._

_Time stood still for a minute while I tried to comprehend the fact that Jasper was kissing me. He had his mouth on mine and 'fuck it', I wanted it there. I slowly allowed my mouth to start moving against his and he groaned out loud, making my dick even more painfully hard. Holy fuck it was so intense, the feelings rushing through my body as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. Never once had it felt like this when I had kissed a girl, never. I needed more, so I grabbed onto him and held him with all my might._

_Our hips came together next and when I felt the hardness of his cock against mine, I almost came right then. The sensation of feeling him against me in that way was mind blowing. Needing to relieve even part of the fire in my dick, I ground my hips against him and we both moaned loudly. It felt so fucking good._

_As he trailed his delicious mouth down my neck, my body writhed in pleasure. When he fused our mouths back together, I needed to cum so badly that I was almost in pain. He shoved me back onto the couch and straddled my lap while I pushed his jacket off. I needed to 'feel' him against me, my body was crying out to feel his scorching skin against my own._

_"Fuck me, he was so hot right now as he dominated our every move.'_

_He pulled back from my mouth, leaving me dying for more. He took my jacket off and sat back on my knees. When I finally looked up at him, he was gazing at me with questioning eyes. I knew him so well, he always made sure it was okay before he did anything and now was no different. Even in this situation, he always put me in the front of his thoughts. _

_'I was so confused, what were we doing? What was this? Did I want it to continue?'_

_Looking deep into his slate eyes, I knew what I wanted. In that moment, at that minute he was it. The nourishment my body craved to survive and I needed him or I thought I would die. A feral growl ripped through my body as I grabbed his face and pulled his mouth down to mine. This time I took over, I was the dominant one. Plunging my tongue into his mouth, I took the time to appreciate the flavor that was all Jasper. He tasted like champagne, strawberries and silk. It was so delicious._

_The fevered tempo of our bodies slowed to an unhurried pace as we enjoyed each others mouths over and over again. Wet satin against fiery silk moved together languidly. As the kisses became deeper, our cocks begged for more as our hips found the rhythm of our mouths. Teasing caresses became powerful thrusts as both of our bodies begged for release. It was overwhelming to feel like this for him._

_When he stood up, I nearly cried. I wasn't ready for this to be over. He looked at me as he started to remove his clothing. 'Oh hell no...that's my job and I was fucking ready to do it.'_

_Slowly removing his shirts, I exposed more and more of his gorgeous sun-kissed skin. His body was hard and defined. It was fucking perfection. Throwing the shirts on the ground, I could finally have access to the planes of his torso. Placing my hands on him was a lesson in control because my fingers wanted to touch every square inch all at once. Wanting him to be treated like the priceless piece of artwork that he was, I softly traced the lines of his muscles. My nails lightly grazed his pebbled nipples as I followed the path his body lead me on. He groaned softly as my fingers caressed the line of blonde hair leading down to what I wanted the most. Each sound he made was music to my ears and made me more confident in my endeavor._

_As my hands came to the waist of his pants, I went to undo them. Falling around his ankles, his fucking cock was finally almost uncovered and I was screaming internally to grasp it in my fist and see if it fit there as perfect as he did in my arms. Licking my lips, I went to take the boxers off. His hand reached out to stop me...'noooo' my body protested. Why?_

_He winked at me and then slowly undressed me with even greater care than I had shown him. He worshiped every inch of my skin with his blazing hot mouth as he exposed it. I was unable to control the sharp hisses that escaped my mouth as he got closer to my hips. Jasper then sat me on the couch and removed my socks and shoes. Then he did something that that was almost the death of me...he placed his mouth on my navel as his hands undid my pants. The sensation was indescribable. The luscious heaven that I was in couldn't get any better. _

_Jasper was in front of me, on his knees and all these images of him wrapping his mouth around me went flying through my mind. My fantasy nearly became reality as I felt him press his mouth to the head of my cock over my boxers....HOLY FUCK!!_

_My hips jumped up off the couch and into his face. He had set my body ablaze with lust. Looking down at him, he was silently asking my permission. _

_'Oh...could I go this far? I needed this so bad...' Giving him permission with my eyes, the rest of my control snapped and I gave in to the gorgeous man in front of me. Closing my eyes, I laid my head on the back of the couch as his mouth trailed hot, wet kisses from one hip to the other. When his hands slipped into my boxers, I could barely keep my body from embarrassing me as I was more than ready to cum everywhere. Willing my cock not to explode, I tried to calm myself down. _

_When I felt Jasper's satin lips on the head of my dick I saw fucking stars explode behind my eyes. I groaned out loud, "Jasper, oh God, please." My voice was so fucking needy, but I didn't give a shit. I wanted his fucking mouth on me...NOW!_

_He warm hand cupped my sac and he licked my entire dick from bottom to top and my mouth let out an animalistic roar...it felt so fucking good. His blonde curls were moving up and down as he mouth fucked me into oblivion. When he started to moan as well I couldn't hold back anymore and tried to pull out of his hot little mouth. Shaking his head, he sucked even harder as the convulsions over took me and I came hard down his throat. _

_Seeing him swallow it all was the biggest turn on...EVER! When he opened his eyes back up to me after kissing the head once more, I yanked him up to me and attacked his gifted mouth. My taste was still in his mouth as my tongue slid in, but I didn't care, I needed to show him with my kiss what I couldn't say to him at that moment._

_Fuck, I needed to see his face as he came too. I wanted to make him feel as good as he just made me feel. Lightly nipping at his neck, I allowed my hand to travel down to his cock and lightly caress it through his boxers. He was like granite, so very hard. Pulling back, I looked right into Jasper's stormy eyes and gave my hand a long, wet lick before I reached into his boxers and wrapped it around his shaft. His breathless moan set my hand in motion. I stroked his sleek, satiny length. Taking care to do the things that felt good to me. Twisting around the head at each upward stroke, I felt his body start to come apart in my hands. He shuddered towards a release and I felt him cum all over my hand as he buried his face in my neck. _

_As we sat there, and our breathing started to return to normal, the enormity of what just happened slammed down on me and I felt sick._

_'Oh my god...did we just...fuck...oh god, oh shit...' _

_As he pulled back to clean up and get dressed, my world came crashing down around me._

_'This can't be happening...what did it mean? I am not gay...fuck, is Jasper? He had to be, right? What did I just do? My parents...Emmett...oh shit...'_

_He tried to touch me and I flinched back from him. He needed to stay the fuck away from me right now. This was something I needed to deal with alone. The silent tears rolled down my face and I saw him walk over to the window. This ended here, it had to. There was no other choice, I was groomed to be a doctor, a husband and a father. There was no room for anything else in my life that didn't fit into the plan. _

_Slowly making my over to the discarded tux, I dressed myself and kept glancing over at him. He didn't say a fucking word. I couldn't take it anymore. Walking to the door I whispered to him, "I am so sorry, Jasper. I can't do this, forgive me please." _

_I ran out the door and fell down about halfway to the house and cried myself out. I put all the things I felt and experienced under lock and key and promised to forget and move on. I didn't have a choice but to do that._

Looking at that picture in my hand I wished I would have been stronger then. I should have fought harder, for me...for him. How was I supposed to know what I felt at 17 was love? The truest kind that you can't survive without, that you thrive on. Why did I have to wait until I was getting married to realize all of it? My insides were twisting painfully around themselves and I was so thankful no one was close enough to hear me cry.

Kissing the picture one last time, I put it in my pocket and went to wash my face. Glancing at the mirror, I saw my reflection and it was hideous...I needed to calm down and fast. It felt cleansing to cry for Jasper one last time, I had to let him go.

Emmett chose that moment to walk back in. He balked at the sight of me, "Shit, Edward, you look like ass."

"Thanks, asshole,"I muttered.

He grabbed me by the arm as I tried to walk off, "You can't go through with it. I couldn't get him to answer, but you can't do this to yourself or Bella. It's not right, Edward."

"Then what's right, Emmett?" I roared back. "To break her fucking heart on her wedding day? Is that the right thing?" Rage was flowing through every vein and seething through every pore in my body.

"I gave him his chance," fury laced every word. "He told me he could give me no reason not to get married. I asked him point blank, so what reason do I have Emmett?"

_This is ridiculous, you are giving yourself doubts. You love Bella...but you also love Jasper...FUCK!_

"Edward, did you ever tell him how you felt? Ever once?" _Fuck no! Was he crazy?_

I let out an exasperated sigh, "No, Em, I did not. Why would I do that? All it would do was make everything worse, don't you see?" _Duh, shithead._

Suddenly he had be my lapels and up against the wall."You are a fucking idiot and right now I can't believe we are related. Why would he ever put _himself_ out there, you knew how he felt. I knew how he felt. Never once did you give him any indication that you felt anything but friendship for him."

"I asked him the other night...put me down fucker!" I yelled back. He dropped me on the ground.

"No you didn't," he bellowed. "You asked if he could give you a reason, but you never told him you loved him so he knew he was an option. You expected him to put it all on the line for you when you gave nothing in return. You are going to fix that right the fuck now!"

_Oh, God...I didn't tell him...I wanted him to tell me...I repeatedly hurt him over and over and he never gave up being my friend. I knew he felt more...I could feel it...I had to stop this wedding._

My father waked in the door just then, "You ready son?" Taking one look at me he knew something was wrong, "What is it son?"

"I need to see Bella, Dad...now." I quietly added.

His face was crestfallen, "Why, Edward?" He did not look happy.

"There is something I need to tell her, before the wedding." I looked down at the ground, not wanting to meet his eyes. "Please..."

"There is no one stopping you son, but you better know what you are doing, " he added emphatically.

"Dad, I have never been so sure in my life," I called back as I walked out the door to the bridal suite.

Each step closer brought a new wave of fear and apprehension. I did not want to hurt Bella, not at all and she was going to be. I did love her, deeply, just not the same way I loved Jasper.

Walking up to the door, the dread sunk in. This was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do besides walking away from Jasper that night of New Year's Eve.

Knocking, I called out to her. "Bella...it's Edward..."

I heard her dress rustle over to the door, "What are you doing here, you can't see me before the wedding." She was muffled through the door.

_Ughhh, this was going to be terrible._

"I need to talk to you, now please..." I called through the door.

"Oh, Edward, why?" her voice was starting to break and in turn it broke me. I fucking started crying again.

"Open the door sweetie," I rasped.

She slowly turned the knob and I was face to face with her. She looked so beautiful and it killed me to see her like was chewing the hell out of her lip and I reached out to pull it loose from her teeth. Her eyes were rapidly filling with tears as she took in my haggard appearance.

She held open the door for me to come in, but I couldn't bring myself to enter the room where she prepared for this day. Pulling on her hand, I walked her out to the private patio.

We stood there in silence for a few minutes before she finally spoke, "You are calling it off, aren't you?"

Looking her straight in the eyes, I nodded. "I am so…"

"Save it," she interrupted. "I really don't want or need to hear any excuses right now."

Running my hands through my hair, I was at a loss for words. "Bella, I need you to hear me out...please?"

She put her hand up, "No...I really can't right now." Her tears were running freely down her cheeks now.

She walked over to me, held up my ring and went to slip it into my pocket. "I won't be needing this today."

When she pulled out her hand, the picture came with it. I gasped and her eyes flew up to meet mine.

"Why is this in your pocket, Edward?" she asked curiously.

"I....uhh.....fuck!" I was stammering like an idiot. _Fucking great._

"Do you always have this? On you?" she wondered.

Not looking at her, I nodded.

"I see...okay...here." She handed it back to me and walked to the door where my brother was standing.

He opened the door, "You guys ok?"

Neither of us said a word. "Well, we took care of things in here...everyone is leaving. So....yeah." He walked back in the church.

Bella started for the door again, yanking off her veil. I went after her and caught her right inside the room. I placed my forehead against hers and she let out a deep breath.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you let me. I just couldn't do this, it wasn't fair to you."

She whispered back, "I know you are...but you can't make it up to me for the rest of your life. That's stupid, you have a life to live and you can't choose who you love..."

"I do love you, Bella," I needed her to understand that.

"I know you do, just not enough, huh? I wish you had realized this soo.." We both turned at the sound of something hitting the wall.

The air filled with an electrical whir when I laid eyes on the cause of the noise.

Jasper.

He was here.

He looked even worse than I did, his sapphire eyes were tired and sad. His lids were red-rimmed and he looked like he hadn't slept. He looked as broken as I felt and it was my fault. All of it was my fault and I didn't deserve either of them. Thank fuck we don't always get what we deserve.

Bella turned her head back to me and gave me a kiss, "Be happy, Edward."

She walked slowly over to him and caressed under his eyes before taking his hand and walking him over to me. Placing his hand in mine, she leaned over and kissed each of us on the cheek and walked back into the Bride's room. My heart was straining with hurt for her. I would figure out how to fix it one day.

Looking back up at Jasper, he was so perfect and I loved him. Now I had to tell him before I lost it all. He was everything I had always wanted, why was I too blind to see?

I faintly whispered, "It was always you, Jasper." Trying to rein in my emotions that burst open at my admission, I had to finish, I had to tell him everything.

The tears fell from my eyes as I met his shiny, wet eyes. The love that filled my chest was so powerful, so all-encompassing, why did I deny us?

"I love you, I have always loved you. You are everything to me and I am so sorry I denied what I felt all those years ago. I only hope you can forgive me, although, I can't imagine being graced with any more forgiveness than I already have today."

His graceful shoulders began to shake as he cried out and let the tears take over. I wrapped my arms around my beautiful angel. He cried like I had in the room earlier and I held him as we slid down to the ground. Memories of the fort came flooding back in as I remembered holding him then when he was so upset. My tears continued to flow as we sat there, but these tears were cleansing and therapeutic for me and I hoped his were as well.

When he finally began to calm down, I looked at him and let all of my love for him shine through, I needed him to see how I felt about him. He smiled and leaned forward to kiss me. We sat there for a long time, letting our mouths and tongues glide lazily over one another. It was peaceful, it was wonderful, it was home.

Then, he finally spoke to me. "Edward, I have loved you since I was 16 years old and I will love you for the rest of my life. You are the only man I have ever kissed and the only person I have ever touched. Your hands are the only hands I want on me for the rest of my life. You are who I long to come home to every day and you are the only one I want to make love to every night."

A huge smile broke across both our faces and I wrapped my arms around him once again, holding him for dear life. I would never let him go again.

Later that evening, when we had sorted through the wedding issue and Bella's father had punched me, we finally made it to his house. We were both so exhausted, but I needed him, I needed to be close to him and I hoped he wouldn't deny me.

When we walked in the door, I pulled Jasper into my arms and laid my mouth against his. He immediately flipped me around and pushed me into the wall. Our kisses turned hurried and frantic immediately, we were both desperate to feel each other after all this time. Begging for entrance into his mouth, my tongue swept in when he parted his lips.

We both groaned loudly into each other's mouth. His taste was fucking heaven to me. I was desperate for more. I reached under the hem of his shirt and yanked it up and over his head.

"Fuck, Jasper...I want you so fucking bad..." I rasped as I grabbed his hips and ground my erection right into his.

"God, Edward...I fucking need you...so bad...please..." he begged as he started yanking at my clothes. We were both so crazy with lust, and 100% in love. It made for the best fucking feeling in the world. We were grabbing at buckles and pants and trying to kick off our shoes.

"Fuck it," he growled as he hauled me towards him and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and our cocks were pressed together, gaining much needed friction.

He walked us into his room and we fell onto the bed. Our ragged breaths were loud in the silence and we stared at each other with love and adoration. His honey colored curls framed his beautiful face and made his crystal blue eyes stand out perfectly. He was all I would ever need as long as I lived and I couldn't wait to spend forever with him.

Leaning forward, I sighed into his mouth, "This doesn't have to be fast, Jasper. We have all night..." My tongue slowly came out and traced the shape of his lips and he moaned quietly. It was a sweet rapture to my ears. Opening up his mouth to me, I explored his once again. We kissed long and hard, wet and sweet. I was ready to cum from just kissing his delectable mouth, but I needed more.

Rolling me onto my back, he whispered back, "We have forever, Edward." My eyes filled with tears at those words.

_What did I do to deserve the precious gift of his love?_

"Make love to me, Jasper," I moaned into his ear.

He pinned me to the bed underneath him. "Are you sure, Edward? Because there will be no going back, you will be mine for fucking ever..." he growled in my ear.

Bucking my hips into his I cried out, "Yes...please baby...forever, me and you...I need you now baby."

Excitement and fear flowed through me all at once. I had no idea what I was getting into, but I knew with Jasper, it would all turn out okay.

He buried his hot, wet mouth into my neck and slid his teeth down as his hands unbuttoned and removed my pants. He trailed kisses down my chest that were intermittent with nips from his teeth. It was torture, it was passionate, it was erotic. He trailed back up, his tongue following the path of his teeth until his lightly bit down on my nipple as he palmed my cock.

_Fuck...still the aggressor...still on fucking fire!_

I couldn't take it anymore, I flipped him over and yanked his jeans and boxers off of him all at once. _Holy shit...he was exquisite._

His skin was warm and soft and I wanted to lick every square inch of it, but now was not the time. I crawled up his body and let my boxer clad dick slide along his naked one.

"Fuck," he whimpered.

Rolling me back over so he was on top, he kissed me with everything he had, attacking my mouth with his. Then just as quickly he pulled away. He flipped me on my stomach and pulled my boxers off. I felt his tongue drag all the way up my leg until he was right at my ass. He grabbed my hips, yanked me legs up towards him and slid his tongue along my crack while he grasped my dick in his hand.

"Jasper...Fuck!" I screamed, cumming forcefully on the bed underneath me. My body convulsed as the strongest orgasm of my life overtook me. He softly kissed his way up my back as he covered his body with my own. We slid to the side so he could push the comforter on the floor and he turned me back around so that I was on my back underneath him once again.

"Gorgeous," he moaned into my mouth as he kissed me, deeply.

"I need you...inside me...now," I groaned into his mouth.

He pulled back and crawled up over me to his nightstand. His dick was right by my mouth, so I licked it as he reached into the night stand. It was delicious.

"Edward....don't..."

He knelt back on the bed and flipped the cap of the oil he had in his hand and poured it directly onto his hand. He spread my legs with his knees as he got his fingers good and wet. Reaching down, he looked at me, "Are you sure, baby? I don't want to hurt you..."

He was so worried, "I want the hurt, Jasper. I need it I want to be yours in every sense of the word. I want you to make love to me, I need it so badly."

Stroking my hardening cock a few times, he made me moan, loud. He traced a path with his finger down to my ass and he very carefully slid one in. The feeling was indescribable. It didn't hurt, it actually felt really fucking good.

"You okay baby," he asked as he started to slide the finger in and out.

"God, yes...don't stop baby...feels fucking amazing..." My hips were grinding into his finger and I felt him start to slowly slide in a second one. That one actually burned a little bit, but I took a deep breath and relaxed into him. He leaned over and kissed me as he fucked my ass with his fingers. I was so desperate to cum again, he had to be going crazy.

He slowly began to scissor his fingers back and forth and I am not going to lie, that shit hurt. I was ready for the pain, I deserved it and he deserved the gift I wanted him to have.

Myself.

Felling his slick fingers slide out of me, he trailed his mouth all the way up to my ear, "Are you ready?"

"Yes, Jasper..." I _was_ ready, he was going to be all mine.

He reached into the drawer and pulled out a new box of condoms and tore it open, "I am always prepared." Smirking at me, he moaned as he rolled the condom down his cock. It was a thing of beauty.

He poured more oil into my hand and I slowly started to stroke him, getting him slick and ready for me.

Pulling my legs up and around his waist he whispered, " I love you, Edward."

He placed the head of his cock at my entrance and slowly pushed the head in.

I gasped, "I love you too." That hurt. He waited a minute for me to relax and then slowly started to push in a little bit more, it burned like hell.

"Edward, baby, look at me...are you okay?" His eyes were full of concern and it made me love him even more.

"It's okay, Jasper. Just go slow." Trying my best to relax into him, I slowly pushed myself onto him. His hips started to rock very slowly and gently back and forth. With each stroke of his hips, he went a little further in. He was patient and took his time, even though I know it had to be making him crazy.

When he was finally all the way in, he stilled. A single tear rolled down my face and I tried to hide the pain from him. He knew, he always did.

When the pain started to dull to a slow burn, I moved my hips, giving him the signal that we were okay.

He moved in and out of me in long, slow strokes. My legs wrapped around his waist and he reached down to grasp my dick in his hand, stroking it to the rhythm of his hips.

The pain was fading as the pleasure of his hand began to take over.

"Oh, fuck..." I moaned as his hands began to move faster.

He groaned out loud, " I can't hold on much longer, baby....about to cum."

When those words left his mouth, they sent me over the edge. "Fuck, Jasper....I'm gonna fucking cum."

"Come with me baby," he growled. "Now!" he demanded.

"Ahhhhhhh..." I screamed as the cum shot from my dick in streams all over my stomach and chest.

He threw his head back and cried out, "Fuck....ughhhh....I love you....fucking shit, Edward!" His face was so beautiful as he came. His body convulsed inside mine and I knew then that forever was ours to have.

We belonged together and nothing could separate us now.

Exhausted, he collapsed on me. "Ughhh, you're wet and cold." He smiled at me.

"Wonder why?" I asked.

"That's it, Edward. Shower time." He dragged me off the bed and we headed into the bathroom. After the water heated up, he stepped inside and held his hand out to me.

"Get in here, baby." Smiling, I walked over and got in. We took turns washing one another and decided to forgo clothes when we got out.

Walking down to the other bedroom, where the sheets were clean, we dropped our towels and got into the bed. He pulled me to him and curled his body around mine.

"I love you, Edward. Forever." he sighed as he kissed the side of my neck.

Turning around, my lips met his. "I love you too, Jasper. Forever." Curling up into the man I loved, I knew we would face whatever life threw at us as long as we were always together.

* * *

**A/N: Are we all happy? Do I still need to tie it up in a bow and make it pretty for Bella and the boys? Let me know...also, if you are reading Project Seduce Mr. Whitlock there is now a thread for it and the link is on my profile.**

**Thanks to all who read this and those who reviewed it...do it again for me, please? They make me a happy girl....**


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